In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

HAPPY CNY TO ALL!!! =D

守岁this year is especially easy. I guess because there are things to keep me pondering.

At times I just wonder, over time, have I learnt to be more and more easily contented?
Things that I detest become things that I appreciate,
then became things that I wished would happen just once more.
Will things for us become better or worse?
Sometimes I wonder, why? Why and what makes us still together?
Is it that seperating from each other is worse that having to go through these repeated agonies? Or has it became a habit?
When things just never ever work out as promised. Why is this so?

Am I becoming my own slave? Your slave?
Am I still sane? What am I thinking? Am I doing the right thing?
What else can I do to make You feel happier?
What else can I do to make You feel that I've changed for better?
Did we promise to improve Ourselves?

I used to run,
run really really fast,
run far away from You,
run far away from all the heartbreaks You could possibly give me,
and then We'll be fine.
And then I realised You (and the heartbreaks) would never fail to keep up.
You were always right behind me.

Now I still run,
but when I turn around,
You aren't there anymore.
The has-beens are too long,
I kept running,
I still couldn't escape the lingering memories.

I turn back and run towards You,
but it feels like I could never reach you ever again.
I got time and time again of disappointment.
At times I wished that you could just hurt me again, please,
it beats the disappointment of seeing a nonchalant you.

Where are You?
You whom I fell in love with,
You whom loved me so much,
You whom would care about me too much till it hurts,
You whom refuse to share me with anyone,
You whom was obsessed with me.
I don't care about the tears You brought me,
I don't complain about the sleepless nights You gave me,
I don't cry over the things I had to give up,
I don't bother about the people who disapproved of You.
Now You, come back. Please do not change yourself drastically just because of our failed history.

Now you're not You.
You've changed, changed the personality which caused our drama history,
the personality which strained our relationship,
the personality that made me run away.
But have you not known, that was also the personality I fell head over heels with.
Before I knew it, I fell in love with my escape attempts which never suceeded.

Perhaps it was too late.
I managed to run fast enough.
I managed to run out of your control the last time.
Still, You came back,
You've changed. No longer trying to catch up with me.

Though at the same time,
I've never wished for the exact same you.
For I know something that's broken can never be the same again.
Yet, the dominant optimist in myself thought that, though not the same,
there's a possibility that it could become even better then the past.

I dare not wish for more happiness,
for I think I'm having enough.
Be a little more greedy,
everything shall be taken away.
Yet again, in a corner of my heart,
I have a wishful thought that you might finally understand what I'm saying.

Tell me what to do.

- Psalms 37:4 -
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. # ;