In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

有时候，想哭也没有眼泪。

有时候，想不哭, 眼泪却不争气。

I don't know what's wrong with us. Maybe it's true. 'We' are just a habit, not love.

After so long I still cannot fathom why you just can't show some gentleness.

Why can't we just have a civilised conversation.

Why can't you reason out with me.

I reason out with you, I can give you reasons to why I do things certain ways.

You can do the same. I'm not unreasonable, I can be convinced.

I am a person, a human with brains.

Apart from God, I can give no one my full obedience without questions.

I am not anyone's docile ~~sheep~~ lamb. I am not YOUR docile ~~sheep~~ lamb.

I am not someone you can put all the blame on, and more importantly I am not a yes-woman. Would you kindly give me my autonomy as a human.

You can scold and insult and malign me all you want, but leave my religion alone. If you cannot respect this, you cannot respect me. Without respect what is left with our love?

Stop yelling and comparing how I can speak nicely to my friends or anyone but you. Reason is very simple, they speak reasons with me, not nonsense and maligns. We are matured people who convince by reasoning and not by who speaks the loudest.

I want to know what is patience and love if what I've been doing thus far is still not patience and love. I pray that God will give me more patience and love if you are the one. I do not know.

I do not know why am I still doing this.

What has happened in the past I let bygones be bygones, and it should have been lesson learnt.

I have learnt, have you?

And why are things still going this way?

Every year some of these things have to happen when I have even more important matter to deal with. I have my studies, my work and everything. If you could just understand, I can really maxed out with all my available time and energy, what more would you want me to do for you?

Maybe this is really not the time for any relationships.

Maybe the outcome of everything will still be the same.

After so many twists and turns, history just keeps repeating itself.

I've seen enough of broken promises and misplaced trust.

If that is what you want, I can let it go.

I just thank God for strengthening me into one amazingly strong soul. Indeed what that does not kill me just makes me stronger.

And no, it is not hard to answer your calls. But it is hard to reason with you and make you listen and understand what I'm saying. You're living in a world of your own, and unfortunately after so many tries through the years, I still cannot enter.

I'm pathetic.

- Psalms 37:4 -
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. # ;