In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I need to re-focus myself.
For the nights without clinics are aimless,
the nights without talking to patients are dead quiet,
the nights without learning something new is empty.

The more time I have alone, the more I'll think. The more I'll blame myself for the things I could have done more for Boss. The more nights I have, sitting in my room, reading a book, the more I miss him.

PH is a farm. They disregard the place and do whatever they want. They seem like nice people (with a hint of hypocrisy) at first, I want to have an open mind to accept them. But their money-mindedness revealed their true colours in no time. They know what they have done.

Till now I feel a little guilty. I feel guilty because I left the farm. I had left, and no one would be there to protect and uphold the name of Evangel. For the farm animals and fruits can blabber their mouths away and mislead the patients.

I left because it was so stressful to adapt.
I feel sad when they ask me to discard things labelled with "Evangel", our clinic.
I felt caught in the middle when patients ask about the change and why is it this way.
I felt that I had to support the name of the farm, yet I have much of my loyalty with Evangel.
I felt helpless when the patients shout and demand an explanation. I will miss Boss all over again when patients ask about him and all the painful images come to mind.

Although I haven't really liked the farm animals genuinely, I have worked for them honestly.
I never gave half hearted service, I tried my best to work as a team with them.
I scanned most of the patient records even though it was so difficult for me to look through them thoroughly. All the vivid memories come to mind, the great times I used to have Boss to guide me and teach me, the ways of giving and healing.
They all just constantly remind me of how different things are, I know its just me, I just feel really hard to accept the change.
It was more of my own problem, not theirs.
I just couldn't let go of the perfect memory and experience I had in Evangel.

But I must never give up.
I want to carry on the legacy of Boss.
I want to carry on doing the things I learnt from Boss; be honest, be generous, be true and always do what God wants you to do. Pour out your life for others.
Have faith and never be afraid.

Always let God choose the way and believe in His plan for us.

- Psalms 37:4 -
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. # ;

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

ARGH I'm fat.

Deskbound job makes me really really fat.

ARGH! I WANT TO EXERCISE!!!!!!!

- Psalms 37:4 -
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. # ;

Saturday, May 1, 2010

YAY!! It's the holidays. Everything feels refreshed and it feels like everything just had a new beginning.

I feel better. I finally had some time to let all my feelings, my mood and my mind settle down, and slowly digest everything that had taken place. I thank God for being with me all these while, for without You I would not have made it. It has been a stressful and unexpected month.

Have a good rest everyone!

- Psalms 37:4 -
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. # ;