In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I'm sorry that I'm no longer the girl I was. I'm sorry I have lost my ability to make you smile. I'm sorry I'm making you feel less excited about meeting me. I'm sorry I can't be the girl you want me to be.

You think I've changed, yes I may have. I don't know is it for the better or worse. I want to be good. I always wanted to please everyone, only to realise I can't.

Was it because we were too young then? Was it because everything just seemed so perfect at the moment?

And just suddenly our dreams turned upside down. Was it me?

I know you have plans, and I don't. Oh maybe I have. I know through the years we've been I've been changing.
Don't want to study - want to work
Want to be a teacher - epic fail ambition
Want to be a nurse - didn't have the courage to really do it
Want to study - wished I didn't have to work
Want to be a pharmacist - want to study!!!

B, you really are of little words. I mean little words of what you are intending to do. And if you've realised you aren't exactly an open book.

How about you? Could you tell me? Tell me how I'll fit into your future. Instead of us always thinking of how uncertain it is (and make up a whole lot of nonsense that really drive me crazy). I know what I want to do is making you insecure. Tell me how can I make you feel better instead of bombarding me with countless questions daily, I'll go insane this way. Communication is two-way.

I don't want my studies to pull us apart. Yet study is what I need and want to do. And I'm not young anymore. I can't just put everything down and rebel for our dreams and tomorrow.

You know I still love you no less. But all these and the unspoken has been pushing and pulling. I really don't know when I or we will fall apart.

I'll always remember the days we grew up together. Through our teenage time and how we finally got our key to being responsible for our own lives. Feels like we did better before. Through so many events, happy or sad, right or wrong, going our separate ways or coming back together, we've made it!

But now, what's next?

- Psalms 37:4 -
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. # ;